Following the rabbit hole of trying to understand things that may never be understood is my relationship with abuse and my effort to heal from its many forms. I’ve been in therapy since I was 13, ordered and mandatory for my safety and development until 18 and by choice and emotional education for the past decade.
What I’ve learned through the work of understanding myself and others is how far the human brain will go to protect the heart and those that have had a hand in breaking it.
Being harmed in any way is a lesson one learns immediately and you have to actively shake it otherwise you will teach it to everyone you come into contact with.
When I tried to spare some from punishment and consequence I perpetuated pain in my home, my heart and my head for years to come. This expression is the direct communication I have been shushed and shamed for.
When I was young my favorite thing about the truth was it didn’t need believers to be true it always just is. My truth with this track and in my life is I will never allow those that have harmed me to convince me its routine or normal.
This arc supports every theme of the project. Heartbreak, confusion, vulnerability, and of course doom are downstream effects of knowing too much to return to the old ways of self. Still, that knowledge becomes our compass in our new world. One built not on innocence, but on truth, desire, and the courage to stay.
The bunny, lamb, fawn, Eve herself all share the symbol of innocence. It's not until the contact of sex, violence, hunger or man are their worldly perceptions shifted.
I began my mind map with vulnerability, and it unfolded into nudity but not just physical. To me, public emotional exposure has felt as dangerous as indecency and at times almost sacrificial. From there I fell into the original myth of becoming: Adam and Eve, the apple, the first sin, and the sudden awareness of a critical world.
This theme tracks a passage from purity into awareness. It’s not immoral, it’s inevitable. Love, hunger, sexuality, and loss are catalysts that move us from untouched innocence into perceptive complexity.
